“I Am.”

I woke up this morning with the song we sang on Sunday running through my head. “Christ Is My Firm Foundation.” 

Making coffee, I was singing when Todd walked into the kitchen. “I don’t know how people can get through these times without faith,”  I said, then started singing again. “He won’t fai-hai-hai-hai-hail. He won’t.” I believe that. 

I remember the time a hospice nurse told my mom she could stop taking her vitamins. I watched as color drained from my beautiful mother’s face. After that, she was quiet for several days. 

Then the call came. “I figured it out,” she said, her voice sounding almost giddy. “It was the first time someone spoke to me like I was dying. Everything up till then, all my treatments and care, have been about my living. It was wrong to let her steal my hope. Everyone deserves hope, even if it’s just for a day.”

She had spent her precious time in the Word, listening to God speak into her fear and anger and heartbreak. Her hope had been restored. And now that’s what I do, and did after last Friday, after I felt the blood drain from my face watching the news. 

Whenever I experience a trauma trigger, like I did on Friday, I’ve learned to take care, not allow my reaction to distort reality. The “pointing finger” on Friday had triggered it.

I wept any number of times over the weekend. Todd is tender and caring, he brought comfort, like Jesus. 

On Sunday afternoon, I made a huge pot of white chicken chili with cumin and garlic, and even managed to add chopped-up fresh cilantro without Todd noticing. He hates it. Apparently, not anymore.

Things can change. 

I began today, once again, in my chair, cat in my lap, with God. He is the Sun and Day, the Light through the darkest night, my Song, the fresh Wind through my grief, the rushing Stream along this path up the mountain. He is my Companion. 

He blesses us with peace that transcends our situation.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and I will give you rest,” Jesus says.

God speaks to my heart during my time in the Word, words like these:

“Though you have not seen him, you love him, and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with inexpressible and glorious joy.” 

And these: “Therefore, prepare your mind for action, be self-controlled, set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.”

And these:

“Be holy

Because 

I AM

Holy

I am the bread of life sustaining you

I am the light to a world lost in darkness 

I am the resurrection and the life

I am the good shepherd watching over you

I am the way, the truth, and the life

I am with you.”

So that’s what the Word had to say to me after someone asked why I had posted my heart with these words inside it:

“I am with Ukraine.”🇺🇦 

My gratitude to Don Chevako for his beautiful music, lyrics and artwork, and to our Pastor Matt Erickson who keeps the Song in our hearts.

Scriptures referenced and for reflection: Phil 4:7; 1 Peter 1:8-9, 13-16; Matthew 11:28-29, John 6:35; 8:12; 11:25; 10:11; 14:6.

💙💛