We meet on Wednesday’s at 11:30, not every Wednesday but at least twice a month.

We meet at a place where the ceilings are high, not cathedral-like but high enough to feel holy space around you. The tables are wood, I don’t know what kind of wood but they are sturdy with a warm-tone, like the walls, the lighting, and our conversations.

We meet to talk about sacred things, holy things, with conversations as deep as the ceiling is high, probably deeper.

I’ve made it a priority to surround myself with safe people. She is safe.

I’ve made it a priority to spend the time I have available with those who help me see, provide wisdom to see behind the masks we all put on to protect ourselves, to see behind my own. She does.

I’ve made it a priority to be more discerning, to see beyond the smiles that might turn slithery…if a smile can be slithery…charm can be.

The food is good at this place. I have to stand off to the side with the menu, slowly narrowing my choices down to three, then two then one, but not before I ask the woman at the counter her opinion. She is no help. She always says, “Oh, they are all good!” I make a choice, pay and take the little stand with my number on it to the table where my friend is always there before me, greeting me like a bonfire on a chilly, dark night.

I always leave our conversations excited about what God is doing in our lives.

I always leave feeling freer, having left behind the expectations I put on myself and the impossible perfection of my own standards.

I always leave with a greater sense of awareness of the beauty in life, breathe more deeply as I start up the engine and drive home to return to walk the dog because our lunches always take up hours that move deeply into the afternoon.

And through our conversations…

What I have come to realize is how much we need community, that is community defined as truly connecting with another human being. Christ came out of a community of Three—the Trinity. And God Himself says, “wherever two or three have gathered…” I’m talking about that kind of community.

What I have come to realize is that it is only through others, we are able to learn who we ourselves are.

What I have also come to realize is that, ironically, it’s only in being alone that I have come to meet with and know my Maker. And that’s where it all begins. Being in community with God or another is the beginning of knowing who we ourselves are—who I am, and who others really are.

What is the most important question you could ask? I don’t know, but I might ask, who is God? or how do I learn to love well? or is forgiveness really possible and if so, how come I’m still struggling? Because it’s not good to hold on to hurt or for man to be alone, and how many of us are alone even though we’re with people? That’s when I realize most that I need to be alone with God before being alone with others. And I need them more than they know, in order to know and become whoever I am.

There was a time I thought I could escape this.

There was a time I thought I could live separately from God.

There was a time I lost myself, and lost trust in people, and in that, lost trust in myself and God.

But thing is…

Unless you have lost something, you can never really come to understand and know, in the deepest sense, what it is that you have lost.

Unless you have lost something, you can’t find it.

Unless we have separated ourselves, from others and from God, we will never understand true union, not in its fullest, truest, consummated sense.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Feature photo: Tolga Ulkan, home: John Tyson, Unsplash