Rolling to one side, I keep rolling so I hold onto the pillow.

Sitting up, I keep my eyes closed. This seems to help.

Yawning, lifting my arms, forcing fists, checking for equal strength on both sides of myself, standing slowly

Waiting for a sense of steadiness before taking my first step.

Day 11 after black ice. My head seems clear, pain at my temples and behind my eyes tolerable. I make my way down the hall,

Reaching

Out for the wall. Soon the tea kettle Will be boiling water and I’ll smell the coffee as I feed the cat.

The house is still, quiet except for the tiny sound of my hum– “This is the day that the Lord has made.” I’ve noticed I wake up with a song in my head. I’ll hum it for a while, short stanzas, and eventually give it words and sing. Sometimes, T sings it too. I don’t think he’s aware of this.

Watching

The sky turn from night to day, I notice joggers with flashlights on their heads, and hear the first sounds of birds. Soon there will be a thud on the porch, the paper

Landing outside the door. I’ll see his car but he won’t see me wave, or she. Kevin and his wife take turns

Delivering. I think they have several routes.

Do my thoughts count as prayers as I notice the gift of life in me, around me –

Appreciating

These moments? Prayer becomes a task if I try to set a standard for myself, instead of just

Sensing

God‘s presence with me, sharing

In my thoughts. I am aware that I am free to choose them. It’s easy to allow my

Thinking to slip into hurts, and frustrations rather than

Focusing

on God’s help, which is always there if I take the time to look and listen. It’s a discipline. I am

Working on it, this resting. Just being. Clearing, cleansing, restoring,

Renewing.

This all comes in time. I think God goes to great lengths to keep us still long enough to see and hear, to listen, to be cleansed, restored, renewed.

I write these thoughts because I never understood what it meant to Rest in God and because I’m

Trying to learn. Being alone with God, to me, is nothing short of

Satisfying, most of the time.

It’s a miracle. To me, to experience this contentment is to realize hope. And to have hope is to be at peace. And don’t we need more of that?

But this is just my experience this 17th day of March, grateful to be vertical. What’s yours?